“Letak la satu” — Bee | Life must have vision to keep you on track

Having a conversation with Bee yesterday gave me a lot of relief. I have been thinking about my future for the past few days since I'm aware that my age is increasing, and I could never be any younger than today, so I need to decide what kind of future I want to live in.

At this age, I have a lot of things I am afraid of. And the biggest one is — I am afraid of growing up and old (definitely). I am afraid of, will I be employed? Will I get married? Will I have children? Will I live longer?

Huh.

Somehow I became clueless about my future. Well, actually, I do have a plan, but sometimes I am afraid if my plan does not work the way I want it. 

Upon our conversation, I told him about my biggest worries — things I couldn’t handle. I asked him how he is so sure about the path he takes, how he is so firm with the decision he makes, how he is so clear with what he wants.

Making a decision becomes my weakness at this age. I am afraid of taking risk. And this makes me feel so bad and horrible.

He said that what makes he so sure about his life is that he has a vision. And his vision is to help his family. He wants to see his family happy and live a better life. Because he is the eldest sibling, and he comes from the family yang ‘biasa-biasa’.

But there is another way round. I don’t have a vision for my future. And that makes me clueless about my path. I don’t know where to go and where I am heading to.

He said with soft,

“Letak la satu”

So that you have a reason to strive for

Hmmm

I live in a stable family, I easily get what I want. And this makes my vision poor. I become lazy to struggle. I live in my comfort zone. I live with a silver spoon in my mouth. Literally. 

Everything he told me is true. Along the conversation, he responded in a way I couldn’t disagree with.

So I decide to find my own vision. I know I live in this world to praise and please my lord and become khalifah. But to sustain that title, I need a vision. I need clear vision.

I found one sharing from Ustaz Hanan and this sharing made me realize one thing.

I probably am afraid because I don't trust myself. However, it’s not because I don’t trust myself. I don’t trust Him enough, actually. He is the one who holds my future, not me. I should trust You in everything because that will make me firm in any decision I decide to do.

O Rabb, guide me and help me find my vision and trust You to the fullest. Semoga aku menjadi seperti acuan yang Kau inginkan.